How To Talk To Anyone
Meeting people and making small talk can be uncomfortable and stressful. One way to overcome conversation anxiety is to observe a conversation like a friendly game of ping‐pong – serve up a comment or question your dialogue partner can respond to, and then keep the rally going. Human behavior sprawls on a spectrum. Every situation is different. So you can also encourage yourself to change. Like Leil Lowndes, who turned from a shy school teacher into a flight attendant, actress, cruise director, and later even coach, talk show host, and speaker!
A seamless introduction will almost always begin with a fluid chat.
Imitating people and empathizing with them makes it easy for them to become your friend.
Praise is helpful, but keep your most specific compliments to family and close friends.
When serving up a new conversation, remember the acronym W.I.T.: We, It, and They.
Option 1: Start with a "we" or "us" comment.
If you're waiting for a keynote speaker at a gathering, you could turn to the person next to you and say, "I hear she's a great speaker; we are in for a treat."
"When you prematurely say we or us, even to strangers, it subconsciously brings them closer. It subliminally hints you are already friends." - says author Leil Lowndes
Since a "we" or "us" comment makes the person you have just met feel like you are already friends, they will casually respond to your statement and get a conversation started.
Option 2: Begin with an "it" question ‐ "it" being the big message of the day.
Find an "it" before visiting a social gathering by quickly browsing the latest news on your phone and finding a compelling story the people at a party, meeting, or conference will enjoy talking about. For example, if you're going to a sports party (soccer), browse goal.com or other sports websites for news on either team.
With an "IT." in mind, you can then initiate conversations by saying, "Have you heard about...?" OR "What do you think of...?" After asking either question, the person you're asking will either be enthusiastic about giving their opinion or not be familiarized and want to know more.
Option 3: Begin with a "they told me..." ‐ "they" being the host of the party or someone you both know.
"They told me..." might be, "Bob told me you're quite the artist." Or "Sally told me you're a huge Boston Red Sox fan."
Before attending a social gathering, ask your friends about the people visiting the event. Remember the acronym H.I.P.: Who has exciting hobbies? Who has similar interests? Who has an exciting profession?
When you deliver a "They told me..." you imply to the person you're meeting that you are friends through association, and you make them seem attractive, which will increase their willingness to talk to you.
Back‐up Option: "How do you spend most of your time?"
Ask, "How do you spend most of your time?" to give the person you want to talk to an occasion to either talk about what they do for a living or what they like to do in their extra time.
Now that you have loads of ways to serve up a conversation keep the conversation going evenly.
The Return
A reliable and straightforward way to give your conversation partner a chance to talk is to parrot back words they've just said. Be a word spy and listen for words your dialogue partner can expand on. When you discover a word your conversation partner might be eager to talk about, lob it back to them in the form of a question or comment.
For example, after asking someone how they have spent most of their time at a conference, they might say, "I went to a cybersecurity event. It was great!" At which point you could say, "cybersecurity event?" or "I've heard good things about that event." Or you could simply parrot back the last word and say, "What made it great?"
References: The author “Leil Lowndes” has spent her career teaching people how to communicate for success. In her book How to Talk to Anyone (Contemporary Books, October 2003) offers 92 easy and effective sure fire success techniques she takes the reader from first meeting all the way up to sophisticated techniques used by the big winners in life.
